Welcome to May 12th! On this date 5 years ago, 59 Democratic lawmakers brought the Texas legislature to a standstill by going into hiding after a Republican congressional gerrymandering plan, according to Wikipedia.

Future News Prediction: In order to raise money for his legal defense, Josef Fritzl files a copyright infringement suit against Wes Craven for his "unauthorized adaption" of Fritzl's life: "The People Under The Stairs."

Here is your Monday Top 5:

5) Size Matters
Inflating the oft-maligned grade, "F", Sheyla Hershey of Houston has, through a series of implants, developed the world's largest breasts (an astounding cup size FFF). The 28-year-old mother, who now boasts a whopping two quarts of silicone per breast, has undergone eight surgeries in order to rack up a win in Brazil's version of The Guinness Book of World Records. "Everybody's got a dream inside, you know?" Hershey was quoted as saying. "And, it's good when you can make your dream come true." But like all great champions, Hershey isn't resting on her mammaries, despite doctor warnings about scar tissue and back pain. She now wants to grow her assets to an even greater level. And although Texas law reportedly draws the line at "1,000 cubic centimeters of silicone in each breast," who's to say how far this dedicated housewife will go to stretch the bounds of brassieres and social convention in pursuit of her goals?

4) Money Marinade
Get-rich-quick schemes come a dime a dozen, but they seldom involve gravy. Except perhaps in Norway, where a Vietnamese national reportedly lost $35,000 after he was told to mix the cash with a "special liquid" that would double its value. He was allegedly duped by a 32-year-old Frenchman, who told him to leave the loot in a fake bill slurry. He returned to find both his money and the perpetrator missing. The suspect's lawyer was quoted as saying that his client was "extremely surprised to be charged with something that is so incredible. This sounds completely crazy."

3) Paging the Darwin Awards
An Iowa man was reportedly hit by a train as he attempted to lay a dime on the tracks. Robert Wrisberg, 47, of Davenport was knocked unconscious when a ladder on a rail car near the end of the train hit his head. Wrisberg's nephew, Kyle Ostrander, who said the two were "drinking" and "just messing around," telephoned 911. TV station WQAD quoted Ostrander as describing the duo's coin-flattening strategy this way: "Just wait, right after wheel goes over stick it on there flattens it and grab it real quick, it looks cool. Coin looks cool when it flattens out [sic]."

2) Russian School Rave
A batch of Russian students reportedly "stripped off, climbed walls or lay on the floor laughing after their school dinners were spiked with drugs." Teachers say that the students, aged 13 to 15, turned their school in the eastern city of Yuzhno-Sakhalinsk, into "a lunatic asylum" after consuming a lunch laced with Ecstasy. Experts investigating the meals say that water in the soup students ate most likely contained traces of opiates and amphetamines. No word on whether glow sticks and pacifiers were incorporated.

1) DIY Doc
Let's face it, health-care these days ain't cheap — but thank goodness for American ingenuity! Take, for example, Steve Wilder of Omaha, Nebraska, who has performed not one, but two tracheotomies on himself with a steak knife. The 55-year-old homeschooled surgeon says "I didn't feel no pain. I was just trying to survive," in a reportedly high-pitched, gravelly voice. Wilder, a cancer survivor, had felt that he was suffocating, and rather than waiting for an ambulance, cut a quarter-inch incision into his own throat. "I knew that would chop it open pretty good," he was quoted as saying, adding "I told [my doctor] we should split the bill." Wilder apparently performed a similar operation on himself in 2006 "under similar circumstances."

And for dessert, here is your Moment of Schadenfreude:

BLUE DUCK TAVERN and Park Hyatt Washington are helping kids in need through cookies. To introduce Blue Duck's signature freshly baked cookies, available daily in its pastry shop/pantry, Park Hyatt will donate 100 percent of the cookie sales this week to the Make-a-Wish Foundation.

The sale ends on Mother's Day, so get your bag of gourmet treats this weekend. Selections include a rum raisin cookie with a chocolate ganache center; raspberry walnut rugelach made with cream cheese dough, homemade raspberry jam, chopped walnuts and cinnamon; and a Valhrona chocolate cookie with pecans and marinated dried cherries.

» Blue Duck Tavern; 1201 24th St. NW; 202-419-6755.

Written by Express contributor Suemedha Sood
Photo courtesy Heather Freeman

DUE TO FINANCIAL PROBLEMS, the party scheduled to take place after the Corcoran's Art Anonymous show on Saturday (which we reported on last week) has been canceled.

The art sale and fundraiser will still go on, but sans food, drink and a DJ.

Zoe Heineman Meyers, who helped organize the sale, said the first she knew of trouble was Monday, when the Corcoran's accounting office sent her an e-mail.

"Apparently the catering arrangements that had been made" without the input of the Friends of the Corcoran were more expensive than the money the Friends hoped to bring in through the art sale, she said.

"We were unaware of how expensive the event had become," she said.

Continue Reading "Art, but No Party At Corcoran's 'Anonymous' Show" »

Last Friday, another Washington Wizards season ended with a playoff loss to the Cleveland Cavaliers. Meg Zamula took a few days to recover and compose some thoughts about her beloved Les Bulletz — or at least all the stuff that happens around the Wiz during a game at the Verizon Center.

DESPITE THE INJURIES, frustrating refereeing and occasional lack of offensive rebounding, it can't be denied that this season was entertaining. Even when the shots weren't falling, the Verizon Center tried hard to keep fans upbeat and engaged with non-basketball entertainment.

Here are the good, the bad and the startlingly unattractive aspects of the live Wizards experience.

THE GOOD

It was a banner year for the Kiss Cam. After years of Sixpence None the Richer's insipid "Kiss Me" serving as its soundtrack, someone apparently realized that the majority of Wizards fans do not spend the remainder of their leisure time watching "Dawson's Creek" reruns. Replacing Sixpence's tripe with Digital Underground's "Kiss Me and I'll Kiss You Back" was a significant improvement. And if you didn't have anyone to kiss you could still shimmy shimmy cocoa pop in your seat.

This season also provided fans with at least one classic Kiss Cam moment, when Wizards announcer Steve Buckhantz leaned over and lovingly smooched unsuspecting co-host Phil Chenier's ample forehead.

The adults featured on this year's Dance Cam tended to rely heavily on the lawn-sprinkler move, but D.C.'s children demonstrated enough rhythm and creativity to compensate. Hopefully the not-so-kid-friendly prize — a gift certificate to a seafood restaurant — won't discourage them in future efforts.

Continue Reading "Between the Bounces at the Verizon Center" »

CALLING ALL RETRIEVERS, pugs, shih tzus, malamutes and mutts! Old Town Alexandria's Hotel Monaco and Jackson 20 are hosting "Doggie Happy Hour" every Tuesday and Thursday until October -- weather permitting.

Bring your pets out for some sunshine, snacks, and butt-sniffing in the courtyard of the hotel. From 5 to 8 p.m., your pups can feast on free gourmet treats and fresh water while you sip cocktails and enjoy appetizers prepared by Jackson 20 Chef Jeff Armstrong. The biweekly event is a great way for you and your pets to meet the neighbors.

» Jackson 20 and Hotel Monaco, 480 King St., Alexandria; 703-549-6080.

Written by Express contributor Suemedha Sood

WHETHER YOU'RE looking for ingredients to replicate Mom's recipes or want to try your hand at a new cuisine, there are many international markets in D.C., Maryland and Virginia with ingredients beyond peanut butter and Wonder.

For Thai shopping, there are a few options in this area. Thai Market carries frozen seafood, including prawns, shrimp, squid, mackerel and other fish; pastes, including tamarind paste and curry paste; and canned goods like rambutans (the little, round, tropical fruits with red, spiky exteriors), lychee fruit and lotus root.

Nuts-and-bolts ingredients include kaffir lime leaves and coconut milk -- useful for Thai soups and curries -- as well as fish sauces, hot sauces and countless types of soy sauce necessary for pretty much every Thai dish. Also look for unique products such as frozen custard apples.

If Thai baked goods strike your fancy, head to the Bangkok 54 Oriental Foods Market in Arlington. There, you'll find freshly baked cookies, cakes and squares. They also sell freshly made sweet sticky rice with taro, wrapped in banana leaves; grilled skewered chicken; whole fried tilapia; and balls made of tapioca pearls and pork. Some items are labeled in Thai only, so if you're curious about what you might end up eating, don't be afraid to ask.

Continue Reading "Taste the World: International Food on Local Shelves" »

TAXI DRIVERS who are trying to slide past the new requirement that all cabs in D.C. use time-and-distance meters can't catch a break.

Since the May 1 deadline for meter installation has come and gone, they run the risk of getting slapped with a $1,000 fine if they're caught ferrying passengers without a meter. Now, the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority has set June 1 as a deadline for all taxis servicing Reagan National Airport to hop on the meter bandwagon, WJLA reports.

Why travelers at National would have used a D.C. cab to get into the city from there is a mystery, since the fare to cross the Potomac from Virginia was officially $Arm, plus a $Leg surcharge under the zone system, but whatever. Soon, that, too, will be but an entry in the area's illustrious transit scrapbook.

» "Taxis Required To Use Meters at National Airport" [WJLA]

Photo of a D.C. cab with a meter by Katherine Frey/The Washington Post

LOOKING FOR A TWIST on the annual plate of Eggs Benedict? Dim sum brunch is definitely the way to go for Mother's Day this year. And if Mom likes a lot of food for not a lot of dollars, Mark's Duck House in Falls Church is the place to be.

For tasty steamed dumplings, try the spiced scallop and crabmeat dumplings and the deluxe lobster dumplings. If you prefer fried versions, try shrimp or taro dumplings. Vegetarian sides, including Chinese broccoli with oyster sauce and sauteed bok choy in a garlic sauce, are good complements. And leave room for dessert. Nothing rivals the sweet fried sesame balls.

» Mark's Duck House, 6184-A Arlington Blvd., Falls Church; 703-532-2125.

Written by Express contributor Suemedha Sood

NATIONAL TEACHER DAY is celebrated on the first Tuesday of the first full week in May — in other words, today.

Unfortunately, as many as 30 D.C. Public Schools principals are learning in a letter sent Monday that they're losing their jobs when the next school year rolls around.

Ouch.

The Post's Bill Turque and V. Dion Haynes report that D.C. School Chancellor Michelle Rhee declined to name which principals she's dismissing. "Parents will learn this directly from the District, which is appropriate, AFTER we tell the individuals who are impacted," she wrote in e-mails to The Post.

Continue Reading "Happy National Teacher Day, Fired D.C. Principals!" »

THE FORMER JUDGE who sued a dry cleaners for $54 million over a pair of lost pants is hitting the courts again, but this time he's fighting to get his job back, according to NBC4.

Roy L. Pearson Jr. has filed a suit in federal court claiming that he was wrongfully dismissed for exposing corruption within the Office of Administrative Hearings.

Pearson, a former administrative law judge, lost his job when his term expired in May 2007. A D.C. commission voted against reappointing Pearson in October 2007.

The lawsuit is yet another twist in a story that began with Pearson suing Soo and Jin Chung, who owned Custom Cleaners in Northeast, for misplacing a pair of his pants. Pearson initially sued for $65 million, claiming the establishment did not live up to a "Satisfaction Guaranteed" sign posted in the shop.

Continue Reading "Pants Lawsuit Judge Sues To Get His Job Back" »